Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
