i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
