3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
