just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
