i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
