i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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