There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
