I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
do nipples grow back?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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