It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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