you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
