garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
