All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
