Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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