we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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