Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
