I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
