nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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