making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im part way to drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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