Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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