i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
