We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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