Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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