I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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