is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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