My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
