My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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