So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
