So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize