sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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