Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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