so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
