Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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