I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to calm my uterus...
Sext me about skeletons
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
