She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
