i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
