So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
