Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
