it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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