You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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