I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
