after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
