Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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