While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
