Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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