Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
