Already got asked if we're dating
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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