First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
