i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize