That's intense
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
