Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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