So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
