i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
time to smoke my breakfast
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
