on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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