lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
