my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
