Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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