I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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