Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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