Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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