nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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