dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
