we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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