Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
