Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
