we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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