i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
