I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The power of my boobs compel you
You were trust falling into bushes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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