I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i've created a new STD.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
