It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize