i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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